Keep your heart, three stacks.

I keep forgetting how young I look with short hair. The big cheeks don’t help.

People kept giving me weird looks at it. I didn’t have anything written on my forehead or a weird bruise, so I’m just going to go with the theory that it’s the face they make when they realize how dead sexy I am.

Got a weird call at work tonight.

Me: Hello, how can I help you.

Woman, whispering hoarsely: Are the bottoms of your feet ticklish?

Me: I’m sorry?

Woman, slightly louder: Are the bottoms of your feet ticklish?

Me: Not particularly.

Woman, matter-of-factly: Yes they are. *click*

My jimmies were immensely rustled.

“Maybe it has something to do with spending Cinco de Mayo doing laundry and watching cartoons.” -My friend on me being single. In my defense, it was Legend of Korra

I feel like I’m ready to love again. That probably doesn’t mean much to you all, but I feel like I should tell some people who don’t view relationships as the talky bits between sex.

I feel like baking cookies. But while listening to “Watch the Throne” and drinking a beer and throwing a football to no one in particular. Some fucking manly baking.

My friend is having problems with his ex and I wish I could be of more help, except I realized I was somebody’s bad ex for a while. Not the kind of thing I’d like to admit, but I think it’s time that I admit it to myself and try to be a better person next time.

Did you notice my total lack of any sort of response to anything you said? Of course you didn’t, you love to hear yourself talk; about fantasy football, about your computer problems, about women you’ll never meet. I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to have any kind of human interaction right now. Maybe later, but for now please take a hint.

On a side note, I’m thinking Chinese buffet tomorrow. Mostly unrelated, but time has not changed how much I love lo mein.